Oooooooooh, damn. Bad night, you guys.
As many of you might already know, I have had dreams that I believe are memories that aren't mine. Some people here are certain they are glimpses into past lives, and to be totally honest, you can call them whatever fits your fancy.
However, last night I had an incredibly disturbing dream, and being that I seem to be prone to dreams of this nature, I decided to share it with you all, to see if you could possibly interpret what it could mean, or just give me your overall input. Or hell, just give me the comfort of telling me it was all just a bad dream. :(
So, here goes....
I had a dream that there had been a murder. I had just walked into a store that was odd because I couldn't tell if it was a store, or a barn, or a bar, but I am deciding it was a store because there were display stands of postcards and sunglasses, and there were small aisles of food, like in a conveniant store, even though there was a bar in this place. It had high ceilings, like that of a barn, and was constructed out of wood. Old wood too, weathered and turning gray with age.
As I walked in, I was with a group of people that I did not know. I was with children and adults, but none of them were familiar to me, and I did not recognize the ones I was with, nor the people in the store, but I was under the impression in this dream that I knew the people I was with, as well as the people in the store, as if they were all people of my neighborhood or something. But as I said, no faces that were familiar.
Right at the bar, attached to a large wooden beam that reached from the floor to the ceiling, was a television that was tilted so that the people at the bar, as well as the people shopping could see it's screen. The news was on, and as a man's voice talked, they showed footage of a letter that was found. This stopped me immediately, and everything seemed to stand still except what I was hearing and seeing on the television. The letter, written on common notebook, lined paper, showed two different styles of penmanship. It was a written conversatioin between the killer and an unknown correspondant. The unknown correspondant wrote in large, rounded, printed words that had been written with a blue marker. It was very neat, and diliberate, and looked like the person had taken great effort to be percise. Let's say, as if the person was writting on paper used in grammar school, you know, the sort that has two solid lines at the top and bottom, and then a dotted line in the center, so that all the letters will be the correct height, and width, and spaced properly.
The killer's handwritting was much different. It was in cursive, very messy, very scribbled, and hard to read, although ledgable. It was written in pen, and looked like it had been written quickly, or angrily. Now, as I watched the footage on this letter, I realized that I had been the unknown correspondant that had written in the blue marker! I felt horribly scared, and then another wave of horror hit me because I also remembered writting the messy cursive!!! The messy cursive by the killer's hand, was a confession as to what had happened, and the neat and percise print, in blue marker were questions. (Keep in mind that at no time was I able to actually read what was on the letter. And that whole time I am seeing this letter, the newsman was explaining everything.)
Needless to say, I began to feel paranoid, and had the feeling that everyone was watching me. But no one was. I looked around, and all the people in this store/barn/bar were listening to the television, or looking at the screen, but they weren't looking at me. I had a security in the fact that no one knew, but I also had a dread that there was a limited time in the fact that this was a secret.
For some reason, I started to take relief in the realization that this had all been a prank, and I was just in the process of telling myself that if I turned myself in, and explained that this had been merely a prank, I could get the whole matter straightened out. But then a horrible thing happened. I got this flash. I saw a dead body - blood - I saw my hand holding a knife - I saw my hand with blood [i]all the way up to my wrist[/i]. I could literally hear my heartbeat speeding up, and just when I was digesting what I had seen in this horrible flash, I had another flash.
Me, sitting at a table, with a blue marker in my hand, a pen at my elbow, carefully writting in the blue marker, and then picking up the pen and writing with it, quickly and almost hatefully. I was having a written conversation with myself!!!!
When I looked at the television again, there was more coverage on this murder. They were showing a sheet over a body, with blood soaked pools on different areas, and the newsman was saying that the victim had been stabbed. They showed the knife in an evidence bag, and talked about the fingerprints that were found on the murder weapon, and how they matched fingerprints found on the letter.
I woke up sad, angry, and depressed, and then went downstairs to sit down and write this out, and try to decipher it. But I can't. I wasn't watching anything creepy before I went to bed. And I can't, for the life of me, figure out why I would have such a horrible dream. I know there is possible symbolism in this dream, but I think since it has upset me so badly, I can't see it.
You know, guys, I don't normally freak out this badly in any odd, or seemingly unexplained, or supernatural situation, but this dream has me so shaken, I don't want to even go back to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!
I came here to post it hoping for answers, and maybe some insight. I am so horrified by what I have seen that I can't think of much else but this dream. I have a mound of homework to do, and can't even get my illustrations drawn for my midterm! I have to get my school work done! I have three 18X24 illustrations to do in just two weeks, and I only have a small start!
As I theorized before, I think my dreams of possible past lives are the lives of others, and not mine. And this dream sort of sealed that assumption for me, because it took place in [i]this[/i] day and age, not centuries ago. It looked like it was possibly a location that is in the country, but it was still modern, all the same.
I am seriously grappling with this, and I don't think I have ever posted anything on here that makes me sound so desperate, but I feel invaded! I feel like something latched on to me, and showed me horrible things! At the same time, I am willing to explore the symbolism in this dream to try to understand what this means, and why I had this dream. But at present, I am too rattled to do so.
You know, I have had some pretty scary dreams. I have had dreams that nearly made me wet the bed, but this was just too much for me. I don't think me putting all this in words could describe just exactly how unspeakably horrible this was. So...I am asking for help.
Please, if you have any idea what this could mean, or you could lend any sort of explaination, I would be eternally greatful.
Thank so much.
a very frightened, Kadara [V]