Hey all you spookey fans! If you like to laugh! Read this!
When I was about eleven or twelve, we lived on this farm, way out in the boonies. The property was two and a half acres, and during the day, it was cool! There were so many wide open spaces to run and play, but at night, well, that was a different story. I was used to living in neighborhoods, and the silence at night did more than inspire a few creepy feelings. Very often, my little brother and me put aside our sibling rivalry, and bunked in one another's rooms. One Friday night, neither of us could sleep, and we were in my room, listening to music, and hanging out together. I think we were drawing, and talking. Mom didn't care how long we stayed up during the weekends, as long as we were quiet. So there we were, being quiet, and chilling, and all the sudden, I hear a fart. I started laughing, and so did my little brother. "Damn, that was loud." my little brother says. I laughed, and told him that if I smelled it, he was going back to his room. He frowned at me and says, "Why do I have to leave for a fart you cut?" Now it was my turn to frown. "That was you!" I protested. "No it wasn't, I heard you fart!"
An argument ensued, with each of us blaming the other. But what I realized, as well as my little brother, we were both certain that we didn't do the dirty deed. We sort of just sat there staring at each other, and listening for the 'fart'. But when nothing else happend, we went back to drawing, and eventually fell asleep.
A few nights later, my little brother was in his room, and I was in mine. It was a school night, and we were in bed trying to go to sleep. It was hard for me to do, because I had a pretty over active imagination. My little brother seemed to have this ability to just close his eyes and go to sleep, leaving me wide awake, and at the mercy of my own paranoid thoughts. Added to that, was the fact that supernatural things did happen while we lived on this farm...but those events are other stories. At that moment, every cricket seemed to be a sign that there was something outside my window, every rustle of the wind was possibly someting crawling around on the side of my house. And then all of the sudden I hear, "Vvvvvvip!" It was identical to the sound I had head a few night before, and I sat up in bed, looking around and quite scared. I thought for certain that my little brother was alseep, but when we heard the second fart, my little brother started screaming for my mother.
She hurried down the hall, and when she got to my little brother's room, he met her at the door.
"MOM! MOM! I heard a fart, and I didn't do it!" he shouted. My mother, half asleep and visibly annoyed by the time my brother finished, looked at him and said, "What!" He repeated himself, and then she huffed and said, "Your sister is right across the hall, son!" That's when I spoke up.
"No mom, I heard it too! We heard it last Friday, and we started blaming each other, and we were the only ones awake!"
"Oh, for cryin out loud!" she shouted, and told us to go back to bed. Needless to say, we had difficulty falling asleep. "The Farting Ghost" as we dubbed him, made frequent visits at night, and depending on how many times he cut loose would set us in motion, or send one of us running to the other's room. One fart, okay, we were creeped out, two farts had us sitting up in bed, more than two, we were crashing into each other in the hallway. We had talked to mother about it, and she would grimace, and roll her eyes.
The one day, we were outside playing, and mother called us in for dinner. It was cool outside, and I remember my hands being cold. I ran in the house, and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I ran the water over my cold hands and waited for it to get warm. Then, I heard it. "Vvvvvvvvvvvvvviip!"
IT WASN'T EVEN DARK YET! It scared me to death, and I froze, afraid to look around, and started screaming for my mother. She ran into the bathroom, and come up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.
"What's wrong? What is it!!" she asked, and she knew I was upset, because I was shaking. I was afraid she would get mad when I told her what was wrong, but then she looked at me, and frowned, "What is wrong with you!" she demanded.
"It's the farting ghost, Mom! I just heard him fart again." Mom stared back at me in the mirror of the medicine cabinet above the sink, and huffed faintly. She knew I believed what I was telling her, but come on, the concept of a farting ghost is as ridiculous as it sounds. Then, as mother stood there, smoothing my shoulders with her reassuring hands, we heard a "Vvvvvvvip!" You know, I would give a thousand dollars to have had a picture of the fright on her face that day! Her mouth bunched up in a little tight wad, and her eyes got HUGE!
"SEE! SEE! SEE! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU MOM! IT'S A FARTING GHOST! IT'S THE FARTING GHOST!"
We both stood there for a few seconds, and then the second fart erupted! I jumped, hell, so did my mother. Then she got this frown on her face. She reached in front of me and turned the water off, and it was dead silent. "Vvvvvvvip!"
Most kids think their mom's are just the coolest at one point in their lives, but when my mom walked over to the hot water heater in the corner of the bathroom, I admired her bravery! I heard the fart again, and almost screamed. My mother, however, laughed. She looked at me, so tickled she could barely stand up.
"It's the hot water heater." she laughed.
Hey gimme a break! I was 12!