I am new to this forum and have been scanning threads but have not found any yet that relate specifically to the nature of my question so please bear with me if a similar question has already been discussed.
When I was 14 I saw the "ghost" of a young girl, about my age, in my bedroom. She was wearing an old-fashioned nightgown with a high collar and had bright blonde hair. Her skin glowed but other than that she appeared as real as anyone else would have. She was about seven feet away from where I lay on bed, and was shorter than I was - maybe 5'3'' or so. It was odd because the house I was living in was pretty new (it was a two-year-old mobile home my mom had moved to a new park). Anyway, a friend was spending the night and at first I thought what I saw was my friend, but quickly realized she was still in bed next to me, asleep.
The apparition did not move and although I pretended to sleep, each time I stole a glance out from under the covers she was still there, staring right at me. I vividly recall the look on her face and it was not a pleasant one; I was very scared and felt threatened by her presence. As the night wore on, I occasionally pinched myself to make sure i was not dreaming. I counted the photos on my nightstand, I listended to my mother's quiet snoring just a few feet down the hall, and eventually I had to pee so bad that I struggled to lay still. But the apparition did not leave. As morning dawned she was there, but instead of being less afraid I became more so, because she could see me and knew that I was not sleeping at all. All night I had been surreptitiously attemptinig to wake my friend up by quietly kicking her under the covers, but she slept like a log and merely kicked back at most. After dawn sometime, I did drift off to sleep, despite the pain in my bladder and being really scared.
That incident shook me up so badly that I never again slept in my new bedroom, even though I lived in that house for five more years. My Mom still lives there and has turned the room into an office. Mom is very spiritual and has blessed the room many times with holy water, but I never go inside.
I never saw the girl again and had pretty well convinced myself it was a very unique and unfortunate occurence which I would never again experience, But several years later I was driving to school one day and drove past this bus stop which I always passed. The kids there were pretty young and the stop was near a busy road, so as a relatively new driver I always kept a close eye to make sure none of them went into the street as I approached. On this day, as I drove toward the corner where the stop was located, I noticed a taller figure amongst the kids and I remember thinking, "cool, finally a grown up is watching them for once." But for some reason just as I was coming up to pass the kids I glanced over at them, and my heart stopped. Time stopped. I heard the sound of my hearbeat, and then I heard this horrible rasping sound - which turned out to be me, gasping for air as I hyperventilated. The tall person was the girl from my room, absolutely no mistaking her, standing at the back of the oblivious kids, and staring directly at me as I passed. In my mind I can draw her face to this day but I cannot put pen to paper because I get to shaking so badly. The sense of foreboding she brought was heavier than anything I felt until 9/11. For weeks afterward I was terrified that something would happen, that she was an omen of some kind, but nothing out of the ordinary occurred. Life went on as normal.
I know this sounds quite incredible but it really happened. The last time I saw this spectre was 13 years ago. I am now 31 and mother to a great kid whose imaginary friends include a "big girl" that I am afraid could be her. I wonder what she meant, what she needed from me (if anything), and whether she will reappear. I don't know if I would have the courage to speak to her if given the chance -- the mere thought freaks me out beyond words. But most of all I don't want my kid involved. A few nights ago his Dad and I were on the back patio grilling and he was playing in the house and we heard him screaming. We ran inside, and he was in his room bawling and terrified. He said the bad girl would not let him out. He said she held the doorknob when he tried to turn it. He was literally shaking for an hour after that. He has slept with us ever since and I am in no hurry to make him do otherwise.
Anyone else experience anything similar? Please help! ANY ADVICE IS GREATLY APPRECIATED.
You are right, Lori, I'm sure. And as the other responders have noted, this ghost probably means no harm and perhaps does not fully understand what concern its actions are causing. I will speak to the spirit in our house myself to let it know that our little boy is innocent and that we mean no harm. Tonight we told our son to find his Dad or I if he is ever afraid, and continue to reassure him that he's safe here. But I still feel unnerved, and bothered that this is happening at all.
What if I did something to cause this? What if my own negative energy somehow attracted this spirit's attention? I do feel I have grown as a person and I respect and love myself more than I ever have, but I have never been a saint and in my younger years I often embraced the darkness - maybe too much. If I have indeed brought this upon my home I will be devastated.
My mother told me once that she believes I was cursed in her womb, by someone unknown and for reasons unknown. Yes, I am quite aware that is a rather loopy remark, but I can assure you my mother is the kindest and most spiritually pure person I have ever known and/or heard or read about. She does not say such things lightly and she would never tell me anything so ghastly unless she believed it to be true. (She said this several years ago during a period when I had been extremely ill; she had been praying for me and suddenly felt that I had been under "spiritual attack" since before I was born). She said she told me so I would stop allowing myself to be victimized and commit to a healthier life outlook, because she felt that my pessimistic nature fed directly into this supposed "curse" and in effect magnified it). My mother said that free will was stronger than any curse and it would only hold power over me as long as I allowed it to do so.
Since then, and particularly since becoming a mother, I have finally been able to tap into the humanity and frailty of life, and appreciate it with fresh eyes. I am less interested in destruction, more interested in preservation. I make an effort to give as much as I take and then give more if I can. I listen to people instead of merely hearing, and I listen to my own inner voice also. I try to be kind to myself, instead of purely selfish. But I still am attracted to the darkness, to the ways of doing things which are not healthy, to activities which pollute my body and mind, and also my soul. Every day I struggle to live healthy and productive, and it is still very difficult for me even though I know this is probably the best time of my life and I should savor every second. Something holds me back; I wait for the other shoe to drop. I expect the worst and that is an exhausting practice.
So this ghost is not just a supernatural thing, it's almost symbolic of the old me, reminding me that I am not as free as I thought. At least, that's how I feel. I am therefore scared by this entity even if it harmless -- it does not seem to be harmless. It seems quite the opposite, but I am beginning to see that may just be my own negative way of viewing the situation and perhaps if I can shift my approach I will be in a better position to handle this effectively.
Thanks for your help, I appreciate your input greatly. I already feel more hopeful than I have for some time. My son is the most important consideration for me and knowing that makes it much easier to focus on staying positive and as healthy as possible, so I will be able to better provide stability and safety as he grows up. I don't want him to inherit my longing for the dark ? I know the light in him is quite strong and I want to encourage that as much as I can while he is still young enough to experience it fully.